Who I was vs Who I wanted to be vs Who I am

Darlene whining here...

Let me simplify this. I have 5 earth angels and 1 in heaven (another blog... someday). I am a mother to 4 females and 1 male... he's still living. . so far.

I have seen the various stages of growing up in all 5 of my children. Today, of all horrid days, I decided it was time for some life reflection. After watching my newly turned 13 i'm sure has bigger boobs then me bounce happily in the door stuffing her face as she's unloading her day on me i.didn't.ask! As she's chirping along like she's some new bird that just discovered it's spring and boys, I couldn't help but reflect a few moments on "my days then".. and how very much like me she is... then the fear set it.

Just as I'm recovering from a near stroke the bigger-but-younger version of me might actually turn out like me... floating down the stairs comes q.s. IN all her beauty. She IS a beautiful girl, just high HIGH maintenance like abercrombie taste on a walmart budget. She sometimes pretends she don't know what walmart is. So here she is. Dolled up.. good time to mail her ass to gramma.. I'm going to stephanie's for work in the morning and we'll be going to the dirty heads from her house. I am STILL IN SHOCK over the name of this band.. not to mention that shit is all that hitler will sing now... my gawd bring.back.family.guy.theme.song!
But there she is. Hair perfect .. make up perfect. That was me once.. .back in... oh gawd...88? Again more boob then me (so nice of mom to skip a generaion-bitch-xo). She has on this tight top that says might as well say "everything i eat stops here"... and the skinny ass shorts I think Emily grew out of 8 years ago..... now.. let me try to pour my nowself into that.... just the image makes me shudder.

Then along comes Hitler. . with a huge ass flower in her air "do i look beautiful?" .. she wide eyedly asks me "of course you look mahhhvelous" ..in that oh.my.god.someone.is.killing.me scream NO I LOOK BEATEEBOWL".. me retreating to the nearest corner praying to god i haven't lost my hearing house is on on monday I can't learn lip reading that frunkin fast, "yes you look beauteebowl" "sanks" "your welcome".

I use to dictate like that. *sigh*

So I went up stairs to change my pyjammas to some clean pajamas.. cause I have no life.

I decided I would stand naked and look at myself in the mirror *note to self: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN* OK so the girls don't know what direction their suppose to be going anymore, I officially declared gravity and unnecessary substance and wondered if I'll ever have an ass again.

Then I smiled.

Doesn't matter how I look. Not to me. I know what my body has accomplished, now I watch them grow and develop their own traits,,,,, as well as carry on some of mine. So, essentially I will always live on.

In what I believe to be... the most beautiful people God ever helped me create, now just getting through the process of them actually being those people will leave me either senile/demented or dead.

God I love the future possible criminal's.