What I REALLY want for Mother's Day

I have decided to speak the truth, about what I really want for Mother's day, hell, about what EVERY mother wants for mother's day. I want to spend the day alone. Okay that's a lie, I want to spend the day with a bottle of wine and my baby mama (that is what I lovingly call dillweed's new wife). I love her, she is fun, and who the hell could commiserate with me better than my kids other mother? (is there a said place I can get me a baby momma???-D)
Okay I think I need to talk about my baby mama and tell you a little bit of background before I can go back to why I only want to spend mother's day with her and a bottle of wine. My ex (dillweed) got remarried last year. After 5 years of being divorced it was weird to see him with another woman, even if I didn't want him, I didn't want anyone else to!! He finally told me one day I should talk to her, that we had a lot in common and I would like her. NO.I.WOULD.NOT...so I said I would think about it. My kids came home after their 6 weeks in the summer with their dad and were calling her Mommy...them are fightin' words! (bring it heifer.. oh you meant "baby momma"...k-D)
So as life would have it, after living hours away from my ex for a year, the kids and I packed up and moved over near dillweed (cracks me up!-D). (To make life easier for me errr....everyone involved.) Well after a few months of talking to her without wanting to like her, I caved. I love this chick. She is great fun and when dillweed (wtf is a dillweed neways?-D) loosens his leash we actually get to have a drink or two together and have a blast. I think she and I get along better than she and dillweed even do!! She has 5 of her own kids and when my kids are there she has a grand total of 8!!! (umm so you're saying she's nuts too??, ONLY way there will be 8 kids in this house is if there's a birthday party.. MAYBE-D) And I thought I had it rough with Pieface ordering me around while the other 3 are gone...wrong-o my friend!!

So now that I have come to love this chick, I really love treating myself to time with my baby mama. She is one of my only 2 friends I have that I can see in person. I'm lame, I know. Most of my friends live in cyberspace or across the country, including my husband (you're the only one I know could get a dude to marry them w/out moving in together first...is that a skill?-D). But I'll save that for another time. Have no worries, we are madly in love and it boils down to me having no patience and choosing to get married before we could live together. I figure we'll take it one step at a time, I had babies, then married him...and eventually we'll move in together. That's how everyone else does it right? (if ur azzbackwards...yeah-D)
Sorry back to Mother's day. I am a random person and it will show in my blogs. Sometimes I'm gonna need to be reminded what I even started writing about in the first place :) (SHOCK!-D) Okay so every mother when asked what she wants for Mother's day has to give the pat answer "Oh I just want time with my husband and kids" bullschinikity!! I'm calling this one, no way josephine! Okay I would sell my grandmother to get a little time with my husband, but the kids? Holy schnikeys! That's ALL I DO ALL DAY EVERY DAY, I mean, let's try something we don't do all the time. Such as...I don't know, RELAX or nap, or drink a bottle of wine before noon without having to look like a lush. I just want to be pampered and spoiled, and most of all, I want SILENCE!!! (i would compromise pampered/spoiled... for silence only.. I'm such a giver-D)
Okay pass over the bad mother of the year award because I voiced the ugly truth. I adore my kids, but just for one day, I want no screaming and yelling and fighting and I don't want any messes to clean up (unless they are my own) and I want a conversation with someone who understands the words that are coming out of my mouth and acknowledges my presence even if I am not fetching them a drink, breaking up a fight or giving them stickers (aka Hannah Montana bandaids) (wtf? why didn't u share this amazing idea w/me??? b*tch-D). I want adult time, I want for just a few hours for life to be peaceful and calm like it was before I was a mommy. Then of course after a few hours of silence and peace I will miss my kids like crazy and as soon as I get them back I'll wish for the quiet time again. (thus making u certifiably insane-D)
See....as a mom, you can't win for losing. You have gone so many years without silence and peace that the minute you get it you don't know what to do with it. Your kids are such a part of you that being away from them, even when it's supposed to be relaxing, isn't very relaxing. Being a mommy to me is: sometimes, okay a lot stressful, requires excedrine on an almost daily basis thanks to "he's looking at me" "she's breathing" (wait til they graduate to "that's my shirt!", "get out of the shower it's my turn" followed by the infamous roar for the referree..MOOOOOOOOMMMMM-D), requires superhuman strength to scrape that month old piece of gum up off the floor the kids have hidden under the bed (ya.. it doesn't disappear if you leave it.. I figured that out already-D) and then sat a toy on top of to hide the fact they aren't allowed to have gum, a stomach made of steel when it comes to potty training, cleaning toilets, and even the garbage can, and requires a heart bigger than your body (which is really saying something in my case!!) These kids may be little monsters at times, but they are mine and I absolutely adore them, for the good and the bad. As much as I may complain about all the housework and the yelling and screaming, oh and their noise too...I couldn't imagine my life without them, and wouldn't change a thing. Other than I might create a mute button and make their bedtime more like 6 instead of 8:30. I suppose I'll settle for what I have and thank God I have kids at all to drive me crazy. Could be worse..... (i wanna frunkin know how-D)
Okay I'm off to enjoy my quiet Mother's day. My baby mama is keeping my kids til 4 and Pieface (for the record.. everyone for the 1st year of that kid's life thought her name was pieface, I think she was over 1 when Jonna told me it wasn't. THAT.IS.SAD!!.. good thing u didn't nickname her Jason..or freddy... do those seem more fitting now??-D) put herself to bed and is napping quietly. Oh this is gonna be a GREAT mother's day!! (f.a.t-D)
~JB

PS. Darlene, don't tell me to f.a.t or I'll hurt you ;) (oops-D)