Happy Frunkin' Mother's Day!

Darlene here, oh wait can't post yet, the boy wants to argue for the 3rd time.. brb. Ahhh nothing says "I love you Mom" like pissed off 18-yo I.KNOW.IT.ALL.YOU.OLD.HAG boy .. who apparently must think I'm Jesus Christ.. I.AM.NOT.. forgiveness is not a "given" for EVERYTHING RETARDED that you do!! (wait, you forgive me for all the retarded things I do, is that just because you did not give birth to me and could sign out from messenger and be rid of me?)

So, it's Mother's Day.. and as much as I hate to say this, Jb is right. I spend 364 days a year being a mom.. doing mom "stuff". Why is there 1 effin' day a year.. where it's supposed to be "special"?? I'm sorry, I feel the same today playin referree and fetch for the 4 yo.. as I did yesterday.. and the day before... last week too! This should be "NOT Mother's Day".. 1 day a year where you ARE NOT doing "mommy stuff"...wth could be better.. aside from a bottle of Arbor and every season of "House M.D" ever made...... that my friends.. is a piece of heaven that I'm 2/3 of the way to getting. Got Arbor.. got House.. need.to.rid.of.the.fpc's! (fpc's... my awesome nickname for my 3 teens and toddler=future-possible-criminals).

My hubby has been awesome let's call him King of the Hill...KOTH.. cause .. he's not really a king and we don't live on a hill... the show is not real ppl!!.. did that make sense? We will call him that anyway as it distinguishes him from the children.. might get confusing if I refer to him as the 6th or something.."my adopted child...the one i married"... ok that sounds... odd.. and pervy.(I thought I was the 'whorish' one...leave the pervy posts to me!!) Neways, he's doing all he can to keep Hitler happy who today is totally living up to her nickname .. you go girl!!.. as well as keeping the teens from physically attacking and pounding the living crap out of each other. You can't stop teens from arguing... that leads to another argument. I intervene when they start threatening bodily harm. Needless to say by 2:18pm all children over 10 were sleeping. wtf?? Shouldn't that be me?? wth why don't the 4 yo nap?? That kid can go 16 hours non stop talking...eating..demandig...dictating.. teens can't make it 3 hours without a meal or sleep.. unless of course their out w/friends.. who the hell needs food and sleep then??? NOT.THEM.
back to the king.

He's taking me out tonight.. which is my gift and I CAN'T WAIT!!! We are going to adult heaven.. yes.. that is right.. the CASINO!! WOOOOOOOOOOT! So, it really doesn't matter how this day goes, the beauty of it is...... #1. I get to go upstairs and play dress-up to find something that doesn't make me look like an ethiopian.. something that makes me look like I HAVE BOOBS! Where the hell did they go anyways?? (ok that's another blog entry..*takes note*). #2. I get to spend countless minutes, or hours, whichever I choose.. effin' w/the makeup.. tryin to make myself look decent and take the attention off the amazing dark circles that seemed to have appeared about an hour after #1 came........... and haven't left yet.. almost 20 years ppl. #3. FREE BABYSITTING.. booya.. it's Mother's Day.. I don't have to pay the teens for slaving to the 4 yo while I go out and hopefully become reaquainted with Michelob... ahh sounds like the makings of a perfect night.. slots better be puttin out!

BTW ppl.. you can't "buy" a "baby momma".. ya I googled dude.. notta..ziltch.. nothing. . I dunno if I'm mad at my ex or myself. He's never remarried despite us being apart over 110...err 10 years.. and if that's the only way I'm gonna get a baby momma I think I might be screwed. UGH I scarred him for life... now I pay. He will be referred to as the gigolo when I have to talk about him. That should pretty much explain why were not married anymore.. if not.. google "gigolo".. or find David Lee Roth and download it.. either way you'll figure it out.

I think I've turned into some sort of random stock room to the teenagers. "Mom can i borrow your scissors?"..(should i b thankful you asked me this time?).. headphones... pen.. some paper.. request lemmonade to be made FROM SCRATCH (gettin.right.on.it). It doesn't seem to matter if it's mine.. it becomes theirs.. until Hitler decides it's hers, at which point I stand a better chance of getting said item back, as she has the attention span of a flea and will go from one thing/mood to the next. It really doesn't matter if it came wrapped in paper with a tag on it w/my name or any reference to me.. like "Mom".. I'm really just holding it for someone 1/2 my age to claim.

I'm not big on going out for dinner on Mother's Day.. it's impossible to get a reservation or find a decent place where I'm not put on a waiting list for 8 hours.. that isn't wendy's or burger king or mcdonals.. so we are grilling! Hubby's making his awesome burgers then I get to retreat to the cave (our bedroom) to commence trying to look "hot" without looking like a twig w/cloth thrown on it.
I don't wanna be out late. Tomorrow's a school day.. not only does it mean I'm on duty w/Hitler, or that the kids have to get up early.. it's more that if I'm home they go to bed at their bedtime and I get quiet time on my puter.. hubby on his.. it's sooo peaceful.


Well, for a final thought:

To all you Mommies out there.. whose children make you crazy because they're fighting with each other.. or for their country..

To you Mommies whose children sit behind bars.. while you struggle with trying to figure out how they turned out like that. To the ones.. who can't touch their children.. kiss them.. hold them.. fantasize about beating them senseless because they didn't call or come home, to the Moms of babies lost before you could.

To all the Moms out there.. including you baby mommas. You ARE loved. You ARE appreciated.. though this is the most thankless Job the Almighty ever created.. it is also the most rewarding. This is your day.. our day.. Happy Frunkin' Mother's Day.

-Darlene