In the parent handbook in my mind, there is NO mention of the fact when that 13th birthday rolls around.. your kids... change.. I mean RIGHT ON the birthday.
My sweet busy busy but whines.like.she.gets.paid.to Emily.. turned 13 in May. SOMETHING in her body released an unstable amount of hormones and she's literally... boy crazy!
It being summer and all I allowed her to spend a few days with her best friend who lives in the subdivision we just moved from. Busybody aka Emily has known said friend since we moved to Arizona.. while there she managed to pick herself up a COUPLE of boyfriends whom we'll refer to as A1 and A2 since both their names start with "a" i wonder if this is and indication she just plans to go down the alphabet... 2 at a time maybe??
So, upon returning home from the 4 day stay with her bff.. she informs me of her bf's. BOTH.
It was, needless to say, an interesting conversation.
BB: so mom i got 2 boyfriends! (like jb and her cooking fest...bb makes this sound like some sort of olympic sport she's practicing for)
Me: umm why 2? and do they know about each other?
BB: No, see A1 asked me out before and dumped me after 2 days. Then he asked me out again and dumped me after 3 days. So, I figure this time he'll dump me after 4 days... I'll have A2.
Me: ok, and what if they find out about each other?
Suddenly she gets this "hmm I never thought of that" look on her face.. and gives me the brilliant reply of..
BB: umm i dunno
Me: don't you think you should just pick one and keep him?
BB: maybe... but which one? I mean A1 and I make better friends and when we break up we'll still be friends. I reallly like A2.
Me: ok.. so dump A1 before he dumps ur arse
BB: ok! (so she hops on facebook to dump A1... ahh the internet is wonderful you don't have to face'm or look at them or listen to them as you end it... )
10 mins. later.
BB: OMG MOM A1 IS MAD AT ME NOW THANKS!!!!! OMG... stupid boys...
Me: he'll get over it
BB: I know he'll want me back in a few minutes (I'm givin that deer in the headlights look)
5 mins. later
BB: ok A1 and I are going back out, if A2 finds out...well he 2x's too so it's ok I do (yes teenage logic is so....awesome)
Me: Emily, no one needs to 2 b/f's or 2 husbands... 1 is good... sometimes that's too much
BB: (looks at me grinning) ya, but 2's better Mom!!!!!
So there you have it. I agree sometimes 2 of something is awesome.. like 2 bottles of wine! But, there are somethings a person should only have 1 of... definitely spouse falls in this category in my opinion... or b/f...
cept for BB.. cause 2's better
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Ramble #1
I like to ramble... or bitch.. depends on how you see it I guess. (I think I forgot to mention it's Darlene here)
I noticed NO ONE, I really mean JB, has updated the blog recently. Now, we all already know JB has major surgery in just a few days and the ungrateful punks I'm sure have been keeping her busy. Not to mention SHE'S FINALLY MOVING IN W/HER HUSBAND OF ALMOST 6 MONTHS..in July. So needless to say she just got real busy packing because .. she CAN'T do that for weeks after the surgery and well.. she don't have weeks.. woohooo I'm so happy for you Jonna!
There are OR could be a few reasons I haven't updated...
#1. I've nothing to say (never happen)
#2. I've just been to busy (I'm a sahm surely I can find 10 mins for this thing)
#3. I spend a lot of time working on www.egyptiancash.com adding/removing offers for my awesome members (lies lies... you so this approx. every other day...they are awesome members though)
#4. The fpc's (future possible criminals = my kids) & the convict (my son) haven't really given me much to post about (that is bs too... I just need to start carrying a notepad).
#5. I haven't felt like writing (this too is another load of crap cause I have a journal I write in almost daily!)
Those are the only reasons I can possibly come up with. I could blame housework but that'd just be another lie ontop of the top 5.. well hell what's 1 more
#6. Housework keeps me busy (yeah right..this is done about 2-3 days a week TOPS)
It's almost 1pm where I live and I'm sitting at my computer sucking back coffee like I need it to survive (i need it so the OTHERS survive).. in my pj's... trying to explain why I haven't blogged.. better yet I can't wait til Jonna explains why she hasnt! damn woman f.a.t.
So now I must go, get Hitler changed... the King has to take the convict to the police station to report (has to do this within 10 days of release).... I'm pretty sure he won't get out the door without her this time since he already managed to do so 1ce today while we had a slight breakdown (hitler did.. not me.. mine usually occur later in the day).
I do have to do some housework ewwwww today.. maybe I'll command the children to bringth their laundry and I'll get mine and call it a day!
Sounds like a plan....
Darlene.is.OUT
I noticed NO ONE, I really mean JB, has updated the blog recently. Now, we all already know JB has major surgery in just a few days and the ungrateful punks I'm sure have been keeping her busy. Not to mention SHE'S FINALLY MOVING IN W/HER HUSBAND OF ALMOST 6 MONTHS..in July. So needless to say she just got real busy packing because .. she CAN'T do that for weeks after the surgery and well.. she don't have weeks.. woohooo I'm so happy for you Jonna!
There are OR could be a few reasons I haven't updated...
#1. I've nothing to say (never happen)
#2. I've just been to busy (I'm a sahm surely I can find 10 mins for this thing)
#3. I spend a lot of time working on www.egyptiancash.com adding/removing offers for my awesome members (lies lies... you so this approx. every other day...they are awesome members though)
#4. The fpc's (future possible criminals = my kids) & the convict (my son) haven't really given me much to post about (that is bs too... I just need to start carrying a notepad).
#5. I haven't felt like writing (this too is another load of crap cause I have a journal I write in almost daily!)
Those are the only reasons I can possibly come up with. I could blame housework but that'd just be another lie ontop of the top 5.. well hell what's 1 more
#6. Housework keeps me busy (yeah right..this is done about 2-3 days a week TOPS)
It's almost 1pm where I live and I'm sitting at my computer sucking back coffee like I need it to survive (i need it so the OTHERS survive).. in my pj's... trying to explain why I haven't blogged.. better yet I can't wait til Jonna explains why she hasnt! damn woman f.a.t.
So now I must go, get Hitler changed... the King has to take the convict to the police station to report (has to do this within 10 days of release).... I'm pretty sure he won't get out the door without her this time since he already managed to do so 1ce today while we had a slight breakdown (hitler did.. not me.. mine usually occur later in the day).
I do have to do some housework ewwwww today.. maybe I'll command the children to bringth their laundry and I'll get mine and call it a day!
Sounds like a plan....
Darlene.is.OUT
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Praying for JB.. and all that I am
2 entries from me in a day you know it HAS to be important.
I'm asking for... actually begging for prayers for our dear JB. She has not only survived a stillborn daughter's arrival.. and found herself single there shortly after. She has survived being a single mom of 4... since before I met her... about 5 years ago. Fast forward.. she re-met a man she knew in highschool and they married this past December. He lives in AZ (as do i..NOT WITH HIM THO I HAVE ONE I DONT WANT/NEED 2). She lives in Illinois. Why you ask? Well he's a teacher and also the bread winner he can't just quit his job and fly off to never neverland with the FAR FROM tinkerbell Jb. JB has some stupid ass clause in her divorce .. she has to have the ex's ok to move outta state. So toss that in bowl and stir 3 times saying "poor jb poor jb what an idiot" ... yes ..3 times.
Recently my sweetheart of a best friend who ALWAYS makes me laff (*note to self.. never attend a serious event such as a funeral with JB). Is actively fighting cervical cancer. She has to have a complete hysterectomy and she's barely in the 30's. She's ok with this trust me. She knows she has her hands full with u.p's and the last thing she needs to is to get pregnant and in worse case scenerio.. another still born due to the complications. So, she's been under state insurance for her and he kids combined their income is way below poverty level .
Her surgery is scheduled for June 1st. Her mom will be arriving shortly thereafter. JB has been knocking herself seneless running errands/tying up loose ends/making arrangements for the kids prior to/during/post surgery. Let's not forget the dead farm on her kitchen counter top (IS IT STILL THERE JB????????????)
My prayers are with you my friend. You know I'm always there for you anytime. Hell we go months not speaking then talk nonstop forever and ever.. we just know each other that well hun, and you bring out the wild Canadian in me.. GO CANADA!!
I love you with all my heart JB and my prayers are with you during your surgery please txt or something as soon as you can and I can update the blog.. we miss you... all 6 of us :) 8 if you include my 2 daughters who've yet to become followers.... must me time to threaten to take something aw...rrr talk to them.
I love you JB, no place I'd rather be right now then helping you out with u.p's.
OK that's SORTA true.. I'd rather be on some exotic island w/depp servin my mai tai's naked offering to stir them for me..... OooO
-Part 2-
My angel pie Hitler and I take hands and gallantly flaunt our way up to the top of the stairs while she's chanting "I'm going to take a b-a-t-h". Yes spelling is wonderful NOT.
After her using the potty and washing her hands and brushing her teeth she hops in the tub. It's not hair washing night so she got some bubbles.
Then I heard her say
"hey bath lady..." I stopped what I was doing..... which was changing into some pj's. So there I am 1/2 naked looking at this child 1/2 my size calling be "bath lady"
What did you just call me? I asked her
"bath lady".. simple as that Mom dontchya get it
So after Hitler had announce she was pruny enough and felt it was time to get out of the tub.. I...the bath lady... had been teaching her to dry herself so passed her the towel and said "start drying while mommy rinses the tub"
Then it came again.
"you're not mommy you're the bath lady".
I do not have a frunking clue why such a childish retarded moronic meaningless sentence is causing me to think like im Sigumd Frued or some shit.
Tub rinsed. Kid dried. Wrap her in a towel and give her the pj's she's refused to take off for 2 days now (sometimes baths ARE pointless)..and told her to go find q.s and get her to dress her.
That was an hour ago and I haven't seen either since. So that means they've escaped or are rockin' on in sarah's room and judging by the crap that I *think* *might* be music coming out of Sarah's room I'm voting for the latter.
So, there I am. Alone for the first time since 1990 it feels like. . what am I doing? Pondering this bath lady thing is what I'm doing. It really pisses me off that a 4 yo can make me stop dead and my tracks and do a sudden out of nowhere unplanned life reflection.
So here it is.
I'm a daughter. No education required for this... tho there should be.
I'm a sister: Pretty simple... only girl I got it all
I'm a friend: I'm someone "someone" relies on. To talk to. To make their day much more brighter then what it is. Someone they can vent and threaten physical harm to the u.p or the f.p.c's.. and not worry cps will be on your doorstep in an hour.
I am a neice. Why is our Aunt's Uncle's think we don't grow up no matter how many children we've had or how many marriages have failed and what # we're on.. they still make those stupid comments.. you know the ones you thought were funny when u were like 5? Let's not even talk about the cheek pinching or the hugs that never end. You stink. Try not to touch me and if you have to .. make it fast.
I am a cousin: Require nothing from me except the same thing their giving me right now, sympathy, in regards to raising teens..... Go Debbie! I'm on YOUR team!
I am an enemy: Sometimes this one's fun dude!
I am...a Mother: I take care of my offspring. Feed them/clothe them..and love them when my mind is telling me otherwise.
This career choice opens the door wider for more UNPAID career options... and no you don't get to choose what you be.. this is what you WILL be if you're not already.
1. Child Counsellor: yes I hear how Alicia broke up with Dylan after 3 weeks OMG MOM!
2. Paediatrician: I share this payless carreer with the king. We examine/diagnose/treat/cure..sounds like I SHOULD BE GETTIN FREAKIN PAID HERE!
3. Teen Doctor: No honey that's not a cold sore it's a pimple. *screeeams*
4. Referree: ok this one really only applies if you have more then 1 child. If you have to referee your 1 child when their alone I strongly advise you seek counselling or a dr... I am avaialble and qualifed as u see from 1 & 2 above.
5. Teacher: I spend quite a bit of time doing puzzle *same damn puzzle* drawing writing out letter and numbers and teaching hitler to pronouce words. Helping the older ones when i can..which isn't often but still.. I DONT GET 2 PAID MONTHS OFF A YEAR.. hell I get NO paid time.
6. Confidente: That is what you become to your teen. It's borderline friend. It's not cool to be "friends" with your mom but if the bond in there you become the Confidente, they trust you, they tell on others, and themselves before they've realized they done it. Kinda partial to this carreer.
7. Artist: Where the hell do these teachers come up w/these bs projects anyways. 500 word essay.. done. Now I find I HAVE to be creative when it was never something that interested me. This is to me a negative in the career line and as often as I can I pass it to the King.
8. I am a Maid: Don't they get paid like good? I made .10 last week in the washer if that counts.
9. Garderner: Yup I take care of the 5 house plants. Only 5 you say? Yes, only 5, I have 3 potential criminal and a convict living here w/2 damn dogs I have 0 time for gardening *real gardening
10. I am a wife. This career I chose. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. Just as I wouldn't give up being a mom, but like every other job in this world there are vacations, days off, breaks, possibly bonus, vacation pay...
none of that comes when you make the choice to be a mother. What's even more ironic is non of this bullshit comes with a manual/or book of any damn kind..YOU.ARE.ON.YOU'RE.OWN.
But, I HEAR nothing is more rewarding then when they grow up to be good good people. Guess I'll get back to ya on that~
-Darlene
I'm asking for... actually begging for prayers for our dear JB. She has not only survived a stillborn daughter's arrival.. and found herself single there shortly after. She has survived being a single mom of 4... since before I met her... about 5 years ago. Fast forward.. she re-met a man she knew in highschool and they married this past December. He lives in AZ (as do i..NOT WITH HIM THO I HAVE ONE I DONT WANT/NEED 2). She lives in Illinois. Why you ask? Well he's a teacher and also the bread winner he can't just quit his job and fly off to never neverland with the FAR FROM tinkerbell Jb. JB has some stupid ass clause in her divorce .. she has to have the ex's ok to move outta state. So toss that in bowl and stir 3 times saying "poor jb poor jb what an idiot" ... yes ..3 times.
Recently my sweetheart of a best friend who ALWAYS makes me laff (*note to self.. never attend a serious event such as a funeral with JB). Is actively fighting cervical cancer. She has to have a complete hysterectomy and she's barely in the 30's. She's ok with this trust me. She knows she has her hands full with u.p's and the last thing she needs to is to get pregnant and in worse case scenerio.. another still born due to the complications. So, she's been under state insurance for her and he kids combined their income is way below poverty level .
Her surgery is scheduled for June 1st. Her mom will be arriving shortly thereafter. JB has been knocking herself seneless running errands/tying up loose ends/making arrangements for the kids prior to/during/post surgery. Let's not forget the dead farm on her kitchen counter top (IS IT STILL THERE JB????????????)
My prayers are with you my friend. You know I'm always there for you anytime. Hell we go months not speaking then talk nonstop forever and ever.. we just know each other that well hun, and you bring out the wild Canadian in me.. GO CANADA!!
I love you with all my heart JB and my prayers are with you during your surgery please txt or something as soon as you can and I can update the blog.. we miss you... all 6 of us :) 8 if you include my 2 daughters who've yet to become followers.... must me time to threaten to take something aw...rrr talk to them.
I love you JB, no place I'd rather be right now then helping you out with u.p's.
OK that's SORTA true.. I'd rather be on some exotic island w/depp servin my mai tai's naked offering to stir them for me..... OooO
-Part 2-
My angel pie Hitler and I take hands and gallantly flaunt our way up to the top of the stairs while she's chanting "I'm going to take a b-a-t-h". Yes spelling is wonderful NOT.
After her using the potty and washing her hands and brushing her teeth she hops in the tub. It's not hair washing night so she got some bubbles.
Then I heard her say
"hey bath lady..." I stopped what I was doing..... which was changing into some pj's. So there I am 1/2 naked looking at this child 1/2 my size calling be "bath lady"
What did you just call me? I asked her
"bath lady".. simple as that Mom dontchya get it
So after Hitler had announce she was pruny enough and felt it was time to get out of the tub.. I...the bath lady... had been teaching her to dry herself so passed her the towel and said "start drying while mommy rinses the tub"
Then it came again.
"you're not mommy you're the bath lady".
I do not have a frunking clue why such a childish retarded moronic meaningless sentence is causing me to think like im Sigumd Frued or some shit.
Tub rinsed. Kid dried. Wrap her in a towel and give her the pj's she's refused to take off for 2 days now (sometimes baths ARE pointless)..and told her to go find q.s and get her to dress her.
That was an hour ago and I haven't seen either since. So that means they've escaped or are rockin' on in sarah's room and judging by the crap that I *think* *might* be music coming out of Sarah's room I'm voting for the latter.
So, there I am. Alone for the first time since 1990 it feels like. . what am I doing? Pondering this bath lady thing is what I'm doing. It really pisses me off that a 4 yo can make me stop dead and my tracks and do a sudden out of nowhere unplanned life reflection.
So here it is.
I'm a daughter. No education required for this... tho there should be.
I'm a sister: Pretty simple... only girl I got it all
I'm a friend: I'm someone "someone" relies on. To talk to. To make their day much more brighter then what it is. Someone they can vent and threaten physical harm to the u.p or the f.p.c's.. and not worry cps will be on your doorstep in an hour.
I am a neice. Why is our Aunt's Uncle's think we don't grow up no matter how many children we've had or how many marriages have failed and what # we're on.. they still make those stupid comments.. you know the ones you thought were funny when u were like 5? Let's not even talk about the cheek pinching or the hugs that never end. You stink. Try not to touch me and if you have to .. make it fast.
I am a cousin: Require nothing from me except the same thing their giving me right now, sympathy, in regards to raising teens..... Go Debbie! I'm on YOUR team!
I am an enemy: Sometimes this one's fun dude!
I am...a Mother: I take care of my offspring. Feed them/clothe them..and love them when my mind is telling me otherwise.
This career choice opens the door wider for more UNPAID career options... and no you don't get to choose what you be.. this is what you WILL be if you're not already.
1. Child Counsellor: yes I hear how Alicia broke up with Dylan after 3 weeks OMG MOM!
2. Paediatrician: I share this payless carreer with the king. We examine/diagnose/treat/cure..sounds like I SHOULD BE GETTIN FREAKIN PAID HERE!
3. Teen Doctor: No honey that's not a cold sore it's a pimple. *screeeams*
4. Referree: ok this one really only applies if you have more then 1 child. If you have to referee your 1 child when their alone I strongly advise you seek counselling or a dr... I am avaialble and qualifed as u see from 1 & 2 above.
5. Teacher: I spend quite a bit of time doing puzzle *same damn puzzle* drawing writing out letter and numbers and teaching hitler to pronouce words. Helping the older ones when i can..which isn't often but still.. I DONT GET 2 PAID MONTHS OFF A YEAR.. hell I get NO paid time.
6. Confidente: That is what you become to your teen. It's borderline friend. It's not cool to be "friends" with your mom but if the bond in there you become the Confidente, they trust you, they tell on others, and themselves before they've realized they done it. Kinda partial to this carreer.
7. Artist: Where the hell do these teachers come up w/these bs projects anyways. 500 word essay.. done. Now I find I HAVE to be creative when it was never something that interested me. This is to me a negative in the career line and as often as I can I pass it to the King.
8. I am a Maid: Don't they get paid like good? I made .10 last week in the washer if that counts.
9. Garderner: Yup I take care of the 5 house plants. Only 5 you say? Yes, only 5, I have 3 potential criminal and a convict living here w/2 damn dogs I have 0 time for gardening *real gardening
10. I am a wife. This career I chose. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. Just as I wouldn't give up being a mom, but like every other job in this world there are vacations, days off, breaks, possibly bonus, vacation pay...
none of that comes when you make the choice to be a mother. What's even more ironic is non of this bullshit comes with a manual/or book of any damn kind..YOU.ARE.ON.YOU'RE.OWN.
But, I HEAR nothing is more rewarding then when they grow up to be good good people. Guess I'll get back to ya on that~
-Darlene
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Just call me ................WARDEN
Darlene reporting for duty since Jonna seems MIA OMG! Needless to say the past few days have been crazzzzy.
We had to have our lawyer call immigration to arrange the release of the convict. Against my wishes there is no curfew.. nor has he been placed under anyone's care.. he's been released on "his own recognizance". SO.NOT.YAY
So, as soon as he comes in he has to stuff his face.. apparently you are NOT fed well in holding! He claims he got "a roll" and "wet peanut butter".. I smiled inside and said out loud "No place like home huh!" I so could not resist.
You have to understand though the king is VERY old fashioned...deep down in that big ol hard heart of his.. is a spot of compassion that only us he loves dearly can find.. and touch.
He bought the idiot subway on the way home from retrieving him from crowbar hotel. How nice! What IS the record time for eating a foot long? Cause I really think the convict beat it and I'd bet my ass he didn't even taste it.
So now, the convict has been home about 15 mins shoved his pie-hole and filled himself to the base of his neck... wanders on upstairs to his OH.MY.GOD.MOM.WHAT.THE.HELL.DID.YOU.DO.TO.MY.ROOM... room. I cleaned it :). Boy did I clean it good. There is NOWHERE that kid can stash a thing that I won't be able to locate in a matter of minutes. He had boxes on top of his closet that I've gone through and thrown most of out.. candy wrappers/plastic deodorant lids, real popular for putting his smokes out in... anything I found I felt wasn't a necessity..got tossed... gone good-bye.
The RAGE hits.
I head up the stairs to explain myself and am faced with a PISSED.OFF 18 yo who's suddenly out of left field has it made up in his simple mind that his time in jail.. gettin caught.. the whole thing was MY fault. He has no issues screaming this to me at this top of his face.
I had no issues slapping his face either.
HARD!
He stormed off to his friends house. Didn't return until near bedtime. I also wanna note that though it took me a massive 2 1/2 hours to beautify his room... it looked like a cyclone hit it in under 30 seconds.. i swear to the Lord above my this is a GIFT.
Now while the boy was gone in his rage to his buddy's house. Q.S returns promptly from school. I open the door as the beloved teacup chihuahua escapes "THERE HE GOES!" I say in my best "racer" voice. Now, normally Q.S would run out in all her glory not giving a rats ass if her hair is perfect or if her eyeliner and mascara are running or if high hells are really a good thing to run in!. Not today. Nope. She prances upstairs to change and get all horrified. (this is a daily ritual..she goes upstairs looking radiant and coming down like somone attacked her somewhere inbetween).
Hours pass.. no obbie. Tears start flowing all over the place. Signs get made/copied/prayers prayed like never before. Hours pass.. no obbie. We walk and walk and drive and walk and still.. no obbie.
Determined to be the all mighty savior to our achingly missing dog hearts.. I attack craigslist like...well the convict attacked the foot long sub really.. found us a purebred yorkie for 400.00. What a deal!! Call the woman, she didn't want to make "hold" arrangements over the over but didn't really want us to come out at that time of night (9pm.. not late u hold hag). After spending a few moments explaining what had happened.. she agreed to let us come take a look at "Frankie".. now how many ppl are going to drive for 30 mins to look at a dog if they were'nt PRETTY SURE they were gonna get it. Armed with cash we pulled up and the king was in love (not with the old lady). Cash exchanged hands.. so did the dog... and we were no longer dogless!! WOOOT I'm a goddess...
Next afternoon: Ring ring goes the phone. Woman 1 street over has obbie. She seen our signs and called. She returned him right away to us with notification she took it upon herself to take the dog to the vet to make sure he was ok. 40.00 for pain meds for his leg.. he needs surgery on another paw.. and one of his testicles didnt come down so he needs surgery for that (ahmm yeah that's one I NEVER wouldv'e known). Thanks for my dog!!!!!!!!! Though seriously I think you brought him back sicker then when he left he never had all that wrong and now he's puking...wtf did you feed him? Can I have the few extra bucks we gave you...back to clean the carpet?.
So then the decision had to be made.. what do we do with "Frankie". Now I'm not crazy about him..but he IS a good dog. He and obbie are having a time adjusting to each other but luckily there hasn't been any doggie fights to break up yet.
The king expressed his strong desire to keep Frankie and rename him Oscar. Hence.. the king has spoken.
So now, Obbie sleeps in his crate at night. Oscar sleeps on our bed between King's feet (of all places).
Now I have my beloved convict home who when he's made at me says he doesn't feel like calling me mom... I tell him warden works well.
I feel a bottle of wine coming my way....
We had to have our lawyer call immigration to arrange the release of the convict. Against my wishes there is no curfew.. nor has he been placed under anyone's care.. he's been released on "his own recognizance". SO.NOT.YAY
So, as soon as he comes in he has to stuff his face.. apparently you are NOT fed well in holding! He claims he got "a roll" and "wet peanut butter".. I smiled inside and said out loud "No place like home huh!" I so could not resist.
You have to understand though the king is VERY old fashioned...deep down in that big ol hard heart of his.. is a spot of compassion that only us he loves dearly can find.. and touch.
He bought the idiot subway on the way home from retrieving him from crowbar hotel. How nice! What IS the record time for eating a foot long? Cause I really think the convict beat it and I'd bet my ass he didn't even taste it.
So now, the convict has been home about 15 mins shoved his pie-hole and filled himself to the base of his neck... wanders on upstairs to his OH.MY.GOD.MOM.WHAT.THE.HELL.DID.YOU.DO.TO.MY.ROOM... room. I cleaned it :). Boy did I clean it good. There is NOWHERE that kid can stash a thing that I won't be able to locate in a matter of minutes. He had boxes on top of his closet that I've gone through and thrown most of out.. candy wrappers/plastic deodorant lids, real popular for putting his smokes out in... anything I found I felt wasn't a necessity..got tossed... gone good-bye.
The RAGE hits.
I head up the stairs to explain myself and am faced with a PISSED.OFF 18 yo who's suddenly out of left field has it made up in his simple mind that his time in jail.. gettin caught.. the whole thing was MY fault. He has no issues screaming this to me at this top of his face.
I had no issues slapping his face either.
HARD!
He stormed off to his friends house. Didn't return until near bedtime. I also wanna note that though it took me a massive 2 1/2 hours to beautify his room... it looked like a cyclone hit it in under 30 seconds.. i swear to the Lord above my this is a GIFT.
Now while the boy was gone in his rage to his buddy's house. Q.S returns promptly from school. I open the door as the beloved teacup chihuahua escapes "THERE HE GOES!" I say in my best "racer" voice. Now, normally Q.S would run out in all her glory not giving a rats ass if her hair is perfect or if her eyeliner and mascara are running or if high hells are really a good thing to run in!. Not today. Nope. She prances upstairs to change and get all horrified. (this is a daily ritual..she goes upstairs looking radiant and coming down like somone attacked her somewhere inbetween).
Hours pass.. no obbie. Tears start flowing all over the place. Signs get made/copied/prayers prayed like never before. Hours pass.. no obbie. We walk and walk and drive and walk and still.. no obbie.
Determined to be the all mighty savior to our achingly missing dog hearts.. I attack craigslist like...well the convict attacked the foot long sub really.. found us a purebred yorkie for 400.00. What a deal!! Call the woman, she didn't want to make "hold" arrangements over the over but didn't really want us to come out at that time of night (9pm.. not late u hold hag). After spending a few moments explaining what had happened.. she agreed to let us come take a look at "Frankie".. now how many ppl are going to drive for 30 mins to look at a dog if they were'nt PRETTY SURE they were gonna get it. Armed with cash we pulled up and the king was in love (not with the old lady). Cash exchanged hands.. so did the dog... and we were no longer dogless!! WOOOT I'm a goddess...
Next afternoon: Ring ring goes the phone. Woman 1 street over has obbie. She seen our signs and called. She returned him right away to us with notification she took it upon herself to take the dog to the vet to make sure he was ok. 40.00 for pain meds for his leg.. he needs surgery on another paw.. and one of his testicles didnt come down so he needs surgery for that (ahmm yeah that's one I NEVER wouldv'e known). Thanks for my dog!!!!!!!!! Though seriously I think you brought him back sicker then when he left he never had all that wrong and now he's puking...wtf did you feed him? Can I have the few extra bucks we gave you...back to clean the carpet?.
So then the decision had to be made.. what do we do with "Frankie". Now I'm not crazy about him..but he IS a good dog. He and obbie are having a time adjusting to each other but luckily there hasn't been any doggie fights to break up yet.
The king expressed his strong desire to keep Frankie and rename him Oscar. Hence.. the king has spoken.
So now, Obbie sleeps in his crate at night. Oscar sleeps on our bed between King's feet (of all places).
Now I have my beloved convict home who when he's made at me says he doesn't feel like calling me mom... I tell him warden works well.
I feel a bottle of wine coming my way....
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Bring my boy home!!!!!
As much as I hate to say this, I had an amazing sleep last night. Guess when you know all your children are safe..alive...rooves over their head.. suddenly what more can your mental mother ask for? Nothing.. life is ok. FOR.NOW
I woke up this morning in a time warp. Suddenly everywhere I looked I seen my little man. My only boy.. chasin ants w/no diapers on and happy as a pig in shit when he caught one. The blonde hair, deep brown i-got-mommys-eyes... sweetest little mole on his cheek you ever seen, sometimes it makes me wanna call him John-Boy. Then I warp back. My boy is in JAIL. Is he ok? Is he eating, do they really eat that well there?? Is he sleeping... my gawd I'm sure he's been in the same underwear since he left I swear i washed every pair the imp owned on Sunday.
The King was long gone to the courthouse for the slated "bond" hearing.
I really don't recall what happened to me. I mean I called him.. I felt normal.. suddenly this over protective creature jumped out of my face and roared at the King:
YOU TURN THAT VAN AROUND AND GO GET MY SON DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? GET.MY.SON!!!!
King: ah.. ok.
Few hours later I've had the needed amount of caffeine to legally start thinking.. I call the king back and try to be a bit nicer.
It happened again. OMG HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TWICE IN A DAY??? Things came outta my face that my mind thought of AFTER. Apparently.. not enough caffeine to be using the phone.
Hours pass................ hours........... I begin to call the King and get his voicemail immediately, for like an hour. I got so pissed I told myself when he gets home I am SMASHING his cell phone. It's only AFTER the King gets home he informs me he txt my cell to let me know he was in court w/the convict and had to shut his phone off. GREAT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE ASS CAUSE I DUNNO WHERE IN HELL THAT CELL PHONE IS....thanks captain!
Bottom line is.. charges were deferred but King and convict have to meet with immigration in the morning.
I took a collect call from the convict... this is kinda how it went
RING RING
Me: Hello?
Phone: You have a 'collect call' from Maricopa County Jail...................." 3 mins later i finally get instructed to press 5 to accept.
I press 5.
Me; Hello?
Jeff: Mom why didn't you get me outta here today?
Me: We can't. You have to meet w/immigration we did manage to get the charges deferred, you'll be entering some angermanagement classes and such
Jeff: What I'm not gettin out today??????? (oh my poor boy is so so..............stu...simple)
Me: No.. tomorrow morning.. but have you learned anything?
Jeff: This your's and king's fault!
I think someone should knocked me out at that point I felt like I was hit hard enough
Me: Jeff I told you to leave Thursday.. you got arrested Sunday how in hell is that my fault?
Jeff: I want out of here mom I'm starving I want to come home to eat some food that's good.
Me: Are you not even the sightest bit sorry?
Jeff: Yes! I said I was 50 million times... get me outa of here.. let me talk to the king...
I pass the phone to the King shaking my head, listening to him have the same conversation with the boy he had this morning, I just had, he's having again.
He will take his punishment and deal with it whether he wants to or not. Doesn't matter to me he's 18.. he's my son.
I dont expect things to be smooth.. I actually anticapate them getting much worse. But he's my son,, I just want him home.
In the meantime, I do hope he learns something from this..even if he won't admit it.
Damn I love my convict.
I woke up this morning in a time warp. Suddenly everywhere I looked I seen my little man. My only boy.. chasin ants w/no diapers on and happy as a pig in shit when he caught one. The blonde hair, deep brown i-got-mommys-eyes... sweetest little mole on his cheek you ever seen, sometimes it makes me wanna call him John-Boy. Then I warp back. My boy is in JAIL. Is he ok? Is he eating, do they really eat that well there?? Is he sleeping... my gawd I'm sure he's been in the same underwear since he left I swear i washed every pair the imp owned on Sunday.
The King was long gone to the courthouse for the slated "bond" hearing.
I really don't recall what happened to me. I mean I called him.. I felt normal.. suddenly this over protective creature jumped out of my face and roared at the King:
YOU TURN THAT VAN AROUND AND GO GET MY SON DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? GET.MY.SON!!!!
King: ah.. ok.
Few hours later I've had the needed amount of caffeine to legally start thinking.. I call the king back and try to be a bit nicer.
It happened again. OMG HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TWICE IN A DAY??? Things came outta my face that my mind thought of AFTER. Apparently.. not enough caffeine to be using the phone.
Hours pass................ hours........... I begin to call the King and get his voicemail immediately, for like an hour. I got so pissed I told myself when he gets home I am SMASHING his cell phone. It's only AFTER the King gets home he informs me he txt my cell to let me know he was in court w/the convict and had to shut his phone off. GREAT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE ASS CAUSE I DUNNO WHERE IN HELL THAT CELL PHONE IS....thanks captain!
Bottom line is.. charges were deferred but King and convict have to meet with immigration in the morning.
I took a collect call from the convict... this is kinda how it went
RING RING
Me: Hello?
Phone: You have a 'collect call' from Maricopa County Jail...................." 3 mins later i finally get instructed to press 5 to accept.
I press 5.
Me; Hello?
Jeff: Mom why didn't you get me outta here today?
Me: We can't. You have to meet w/immigration we did manage to get the charges deferred, you'll be entering some angermanagement classes and such
Jeff: What I'm not gettin out today??????? (oh my poor boy is so so..............stu...simple)
Me: No.. tomorrow morning.. but have you learned anything?
Jeff: This your's and king's fault!
I think someone should knocked me out at that point I felt like I was hit hard enough
Me: Jeff I told you to leave Thursday.. you got arrested Sunday how in hell is that my fault?
Jeff: I want out of here mom I'm starving I want to come home to eat some food that's good.
Me: Are you not even the sightest bit sorry?
Jeff: Yes! I said I was 50 million times... get me outa of here.. let me talk to the king...
I pass the phone to the King shaking my head, listening to him have the same conversation with the boy he had this morning, I just had, he's having again.
He will take his punishment and deal with it whether he wants to or not. Doesn't matter to me he's 18.. he's my son.
I dont expect things to be smooth.. I actually anticapate them getting much worse. But he's my son,, I just want him home.
In the meantime, I do hope he learns something from this..even if he won't admit it.
Damn I love my convict.
Monday, May 17, 2010
The missing is no longer missing...or an fpc :(
DARLENE AGAIN, where the hell is jb have the u.p's got her hostage? or worse..her laptop hostage???????????
Needless to say these last few days I've been living every mother's nightmare.. not knowing where m 18yo son is after a rather large argument.
Mystery Solved!
I'm proud to announce he's no longer a fpc.. however deeply disappointed he joined the ranks of convicts. He got picked up in the backyard of the house we just moved from, for trespassing. Guess he likely been sleeping there and someone thought that was screwed up (wth so screwed up about that!) police were notified, the boy cuffed. Allowed 1 call.. he calls HOME. Has no idea where he is. He's got a bond hearing in the morning no idea where. Hubby can't seem to understand the phrase "call the police station any of them theyll tell u where his dumbass is, ask where and what time for bond hearings?" no.. he interrputed that to say "babe get online see what you can learn about every mother frunkin courthouse in this county".. I KNOW that's how he took it cause he proudly turns around and looks at me and says "from the information I can find, all bail and bond hearings everywhere start at 8:30am". I.DID.NOT.ASK.THAT.. NOW I'm left wondering if my husband is an idiot too... or like JB and I suspect. It's a gene, no researcher has found yet, but when they do my husband is volunterring for research!!!!!
So I'm a bag of emtions fuck it's almost like being pregnant, puking too I'm relieved to know where he is... to know he'll have food and he's safe...how much safer could be he really combined to a cubicle surrounded by cops.. thank you for keeping him safe like i prayed God, next time I'll try to be more specific... I won't have to wonder or worry tonight. Hubby said when he talked to him K.S said "'what do i do???" .. he said I gave him the best advice I can. bhave, b respectful "yes sir, no sir"...like it's SUPPOSE to be at home.. make it happen there..then try to get use to it for all our sakes".
So I got think... well gawd damn it it took me 4 mins to come up with future possible criminals... now I got one... omg talk about jinxing ur own ass.... mine's small u'd think id' miss it ffs.
Now... do I refer to him has my "city owner" thinks he can go newhere do nething like he owns the place. Do I refer to him as my criminal... trespassing is hardly "hard core"...it's like jay walking..WHO'S NEVER TRESSPASSED??????????????????????? Everyone!!! Who gets caught?? Idiots like my son.
So I'm torn between King Shit and the convict. Depending on his attitude when he gets home we might stick with K.S.
So, tomorrow a.m we are off to court. We have to call the lawyer see if this affects his citizenship.. I'm already worn out thinking about it.
Thanks to all this bullshit I missed frunking House again... my gawd Hugh will just stop preforming for me if I don't stop. Thank Gawd the King understand my addiction and will have today show on my system in a few mins.....
So I'm gonna wait until it's done and put my head phones on and gaze at Hugh..
BTW: you may notice ads. Please click them if you don't mind. We are saving to buy our own domain and transfer our entries.
Thanks!
Needless to say these last few days I've been living every mother's nightmare.. not knowing where m 18yo son is after a rather large argument.
Mystery Solved!
I'm proud to announce he's no longer a fpc.. however deeply disappointed he joined the ranks of convicts. He got picked up in the backyard of the house we just moved from, for trespassing. Guess he likely been sleeping there and someone thought that was screwed up (wth so screwed up about that!) police were notified, the boy cuffed. Allowed 1 call.. he calls HOME. Has no idea where he is. He's got a bond hearing in the morning no idea where. Hubby can't seem to understand the phrase "call the police station any of them theyll tell u where his dumbass is, ask where and what time for bond hearings?" no.. he interrputed that to say "babe get online see what you can learn about every mother frunkin courthouse in this county".. I KNOW that's how he took it cause he proudly turns around and looks at me and says "from the information I can find, all bail and bond hearings everywhere start at 8:30am". I.DID.NOT.ASK.THAT.. NOW I'm left wondering if my husband is an idiot too... or like JB and I suspect. It's a gene, no researcher has found yet, but when they do my husband is volunterring for research!!!!!
So I'm a bag of emtions fuck it's almost like being pregnant, puking too I'm relieved to know where he is... to know he'll have food and he's safe...how much safer could be he really combined to a cubicle surrounded by cops.. thank you for keeping him safe like i prayed God, next time I'll try to be more specific... I won't have to wonder or worry tonight. Hubby said when he talked to him K.S said "'what do i do???" .. he said I gave him the best advice I can. bhave, b respectful "yes sir, no sir"...like it's SUPPOSE to be at home.. make it happen there..then try to get use to it for all our sakes".
So I got think... well gawd damn it it took me 4 mins to come up with future possible criminals... now I got one... omg talk about jinxing ur own ass.... mine's small u'd think id' miss it ffs.
Now... do I refer to him has my "city owner" thinks he can go newhere do nething like he owns the place. Do I refer to him as my criminal... trespassing is hardly "hard core"...it's like jay walking..WHO'S NEVER TRESSPASSED??????????????????????? Everyone!!! Who gets caught?? Idiots like my son.
So I'm torn between King Shit and the convict. Depending on his attitude when he gets home we might stick with K.S.
So, tomorrow a.m we are off to court. We have to call the lawyer see if this affects his citizenship.. I'm already worn out thinking about it.
Thanks to all this bullshit I missed frunking House again... my gawd Hugh will just stop preforming for me if I don't stop. Thank Gawd the King understand my addiction and will have today show on my system in a few mins.....
So I'm gonna wait until it's done and put my head phones on and gaze at Hugh..
BTW: you may notice ads. Please click them if you don't mind. We are saving to buy our own domain and transfer our entries.
Thanks!
Goin through the motions and Emotions...damn fpc's
You ever have one of those days where you just know... nothing matters you don't care if the house collapses around you or how much mess is made.. you're just kinda numb to it. Today is just one of those days.. and here are a few examples.
Hitler: can i blow my whittle loud? (that would b whistle for those that don't know 4 yo speak)
Me: I don't care. I'm sure I'll wind up deaf one day.... might as well be sooner or later.
Hitler: GIVES IT ALL SHE'S GOT
Me: loses hearing for approx 2.1 seconds.... best peace I ever had!
As I sit her ranting over that fact I don't give a rat's ass i can be proud of the fact that I tackled that breeding laundry like a cat burying shit on a tin roof. Let me tell you i still don't know how I managed to get it all done, dried , folded... FINALLY MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS COMPLETE!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!! This sounds like Mr. Mist and I should hang out!
There's crap on the floor. Not crap crap but kid crap... toys, papers, markers. Yesterday I would've bent over like the good slave I am and picked them up and organized them nicely in her easel.. not today... step on'em.. sick of picking the bastards up I hope they break you why?? I.DON'T.CARE
I think that's why I'm currently home alone and have been for hours now. The king must have sensed the volcano was due to erupt today at no specific time and bailed w/hitler to the park and ice cream..and don't plan to b home til the teen gets home. I use to say teens... but I still don't know where my son is at...of if he's ok.
Needless to say nothing is getting done in here today..at least by me. I just want to make it through this day without erupting in one form or another.
i am on bitch'n mommy!
Hitler: can i blow my whittle loud? (that would b whistle for those that don't know 4 yo speak)
Me: I don't care. I'm sure I'll wind up deaf one day.... might as well be sooner or later.
Hitler: GIVES IT ALL SHE'S GOT
Me: loses hearing for approx 2.1 seconds.... best peace I ever had!
As I sit her ranting over that fact I don't give a rat's ass i can be proud of the fact that I tackled that breeding laundry like a cat burying shit on a tin roof. Let me tell you i still don't know how I managed to get it all done, dried , folded... FINALLY MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS COMPLETE!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!! This sounds like Mr. Mist and I should hang out!
There's crap on the floor. Not crap crap but kid crap... toys, papers, markers. Yesterday I would've bent over like the good slave I am and picked them up and organized them nicely in her easel.. not today... step on'em.. sick of picking the bastards up I hope they break you why?? I.DON'T.CARE
I think that's why I'm currently home alone and have been for hours now. The king must have sensed the volcano was due to erupt today at no specific time and bailed w/hitler to the park and ice cream..and don't plan to b home til the teen gets home. I use to say teens... but I still don't know where my son is at...of if he's ok.
Needless to say nothing is getting done in here today..at least by me. I just want to make it through this day without erupting in one form or another.
i am on bitch'n mommy!
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