Things I understand now..

The older I get.. or my children I should say.. the more I understand certain things about my parents, that I never really understood growing up.

I've had issues sleeping for years. It's only been recently I think I understand what part of my problem is.

My father's side is showing.

Almost daily I am up no later then 5:30-5:45am. For no reason. I do not need to be up until 8am. But, I can never sleep later, no matter how late I stay up.. or what I do while staying up late ;) .. or how drunk I get.

I'm up.

I've always been an "I'm up I'M UP" kinda person.. There is no rolling over and going back to sleep. I am awake.. the day shall begin!

As a child I could easily roll over and say screw it. My Dad however, was always up around 4am. Having tea. I swear every day of every school year that we lived within close proximity of his sister/my Aunt.. Marlene, I would wake up at 7:30 and that woman would be sitting at the table having tea.. with my Dad.. in silence.

I use to shake my head and think they were both retarded.

My dad use to come home from work and sleep on the couch. Why?? Well hell he was up at 4am! Made no sense to me.. on days he coached hockey or soccor and couldn't nap.. he was still up at 4am. Mom said they never set an alarm.

I'm going to be 40 this year. My Mom is 62. My Dad.. he passed away...at 58. I've already succombed to the fact that I have turned partly into my Mom.. which is ok with me cause no looking back.. she was and still is the greatest human being I know. I look forward to the day my kids feel that way about me...

I woke up the other morning at 4am. I was up. I didn't have to pee.. but I was up.

I quietly slipped out of bed and made my way down the stairs to pay homage to my morning God .. "coffee maker". As I stood there yawning.. wondering wth I was doing up and why couldn't I just TRY to go back to sleep.. I convinced myself it was too late now.. I was making coffee..and I hate things getting wasted.

I sat down at my computer and loaded thestar.com newspaper. I stared blankly at the screen as my eyes focussed to the brightness..and coffee was ready.

Returning to my computer with a hot cup of fake energy.. I sat down once again and focussed. I read the newspaper.. and a few others.. played some games.. checked email.

In the middle of all this. It hit me.

This.. is.. beauty.

This.. is.. peace.

This.. is.. why dad got up so early every freaking day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand the nap thing too.. man I sure coulda used one and I didn't work all day!

But, I got it. Between his job.. us kids.. being a husband,, working on our cars,, coaching soccor and hockey.. attending my jazz recitals.. he had no time to himself.

To regroup. Re-energize.

Waking up at 4:00am allowed him that.

I began to notice things I am able to block out through the day. No sound coming from the kids computer (located next to mine). No tv. No nickjr.com or clubpenquin.com running on the King's computer (as does ALL while he's at work). No dog making noise, whining for someone to hold the bowl so he can drink. No sound of clicking from anyone's keyboard.. dishes clattering.. ceiling fans flying.

Nothing. Just the minimal noise I made sucking on my coffee like I need it to save my life.. and the occassional clickity click of my mouse.

I found heaven. I found myself able to read a whole news article without Hitler demanding something.. or a teen wanting something.. or a few fighting.

Me time. In my own home. Peacefully. I don't have to worry about the kids.. I know where they are. The day starts off beautifully..

then around 8:30 gradually they started descending the stairs. Rubbing eyes and complaining how tired they are.. how hungry they are.. "when i'm done eating can I go..".... within seconds they managed to set Hitler off into a tone deafening scream.. followed by another..and one more for good measure.

Yes.. the day has begun.

Maybe not quite as beautifully as I thought.

Plan A Mom, there is no Plan B

I had a conversation with K.S last night. There is no descriptive word before the word "conversation" because.. none exists. I can't say it was interesting, or informative, or funny, or sad, or serious.. I'm sure you catch my meaning. K.S should be graduating this year, and still could possibly... possibly...

So, I thought I would try to have a serious "son we need to talk about your future" kinda conversation with him.

Never.again.

In short, his life WILL go as follows .. no interruptions .. nothing to CHANGE ANYTHING at all. This is how he perceives his life to be in the next..5-6 years.

1st. He will be a professional skateboarder and make 100k a year.

2nd. He will take business management course in college (3 yrs).

3rd. 2-3 years after he graduates from college, with a degree in business management as well as being a professional skateboarder... he will DRESS NICE (he heavily emphasized this to me several times, I'm *assuming* it is a vital thing for this portion of his aspirations). . go into the bank, get a loan for 200-300 THOUSAND dollars.. buy some land, build his own skateshop, and walk around talking to customers all day.

:|

I took a nice long look at this being that once housed himself inside of me.. wondering.. how did he get to be so simple.

So.. I did what any good mother would do. I said "THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE HEARD".. I went on to explain that it's great to have dreams and all these aspirations, and do follow them through, but don't you think you should think about, I dunno, scholarships? possibly earning some money, again I reminded him many farmers around here pay good for people to help them. I tried to explain to him that you can't just graduate collage and within 2-3 years get a loan for a few hundred k...

I said "son, don't you think you should have a plan b? have you researched business management? do you know what you need to do to acquire the diploma? What kind of work are you looking to get into?

His reply summed it all up in 2 words.......... "anything skateboarding"

:|

I tried again to approach the plan b idea..again he shot me down while heading up the stairs loudly expressing

THERE IS NO PLAN B MOM.. PLAN A. NOTHING WILL GO WRONG NO ACCIDENTS OR GIRLS HAVIN BABIES.. NOTHING.. PLAN A.. NO PLAN B

He's never leaving home is he........

Where we've been & what the hell we been up to..

Well, long time no write. Darlene here.. I don't even know where to begin. So, let's just get to the quick (or not so quick) update stuff.

Last we all heard from Jonna was pretty much her boasting about her FREAKIN baby momma .. and no.. she still hasn't gotten me 1 :(.

Well, I am happy to announce that after knowing Jonna online for several years, on the telephone for most of those. We finally got the chance to hang out and chat and have a great time!! How so you ask??? WELL.. as it turns out. Jonna's darling other half is a teacher here in Arizona. Neither Jonna nor I did very well in geography.. we had no clue where one place was from another. After said better 1/2 got them a house.. and Jonna got the ok from her Dr to move.. she FINALLY got to join her husband and journey on their new life together (is that too ..sappy?). ANYWAYS ON TO THE GOOD STUFF.. as it turned out they moved ONLY 40 MINS FROM ME!!!. It's been awesome. We get to bitch about men & kids online AND IN PERSON NOW!!! That his how much we love them.. even though we are enjoying our time together and having coffee.. they seem to be the center of our thoughts as well as conversation.

For the past few weeks Jonna has made me get out of bed at Christ's hour (5am) on a SATURDAY.. to go yard saling.. most times I love it.. other times I just get pissed off I put together this huge ass list of sales.. we go.. like 3 tables.. of clothes.. or shit that I have no idea what it is or what the pluck you do with it. once I thought I saw a vibrator... creepy.

Jonna had a whole house she had to furnish. There was no way for her to get all her stuff here and do so cost efficiently. So we had a great time bargaining.. we went to the GoodWill (umm perfect mommy.. you should prolly skip this entire entry). we got some amazing books and Goodwill was having a 50% off sale IT WAS HEAVENLY!!!

Then.. I dared to bring up the almighty.. lord of evil... brain surging... C.A.S.I.N.O. Would you believe she had me up at 5am and we were sitting at a slot machine pressing buttons like mad morons by 5:30 am.. some crazy stuff!! Had a blast! Plus, the casino was quiet.. still ppl there. . we pretty much had our choice of machines, the penny slots are my personal favorites and I managed to get Jonna hooked on those too :). I lost.. she won.. worked out great!

To our 6 followers, we are sorry we have neglected our blog. I managed to field 17 phone calls from the school in the first 10 days.. all having to do with........who else... K.S. Hitler has been sick 3 times with the same damn thing (wth?).. I was beginning to wonder if it would ever leave the house.

The teens became facebook freaks.. I have a great time threatening to delete their facebook accounts.. I have BusyBee convinced I have a key-logger on there and know her password as well as everything she types.. lotta confessions came flying out after I fed her that bit of information... thank God nothing serious.

So now the kids are in school. It's me/hitler/and obbie most of everyday. Yeah.. we got rid of the yorkie.. it just wasn't working out well.

Well.. I'm off. I promise more love and attention will come :)

Peace

1's good... 2's better..

In the parent handbook in my mind, there is NO mention of the fact when that 13th birthday rolls around.. your kids... change.. I mean RIGHT ON the birthday.

My sweet busy busy but whines.like.she.gets.paid.to Emily.. turned 13 in May. SOMETHING in her body released an unstable amount of hormones and she's literally... boy crazy!

It being summer and all I allowed her to spend a few days with her best friend who lives in the subdivision we just moved from. Busybody aka Emily has known said friend since we moved to Arizona.. while there she managed to pick herself up a COUPLE of boyfriends whom we'll refer to as A1 and A2 since both their names start with "a" i wonder if this is and indication she just plans to go down the alphabet... 2 at a time maybe??

So, upon returning home from the 4 day stay with her bff.. she informs me of her bf's. BOTH.

It was, needless to say, an interesting conversation.

BB: so mom i got 2 boyfriends! (like jb and her cooking fest...bb makes this sound like some sort of olympic sport she's practicing for)

Me: umm why 2? and do they know about each other?

BB: No, see A1 asked me out before and dumped me after 2 days. Then he asked me out again and dumped me after 3 days. So, I figure this time he'll dump me after 4 days... I'll have A2.

Me: ok, and what if they find out about each other?

Suddenly she gets this "hmm I never thought of that" look on her face.. and gives me the brilliant reply of..

BB: umm i dunno


Me: don't you think you should just pick one and keep him?


BB: maybe... but which one? I mean A1 and I make better friends and when we break up we'll still be friends. I reallly like A2.


Me: ok.. so dump A1 before he dumps ur arse


BB: ok! (so she hops on facebook to dump A1... ahh the internet is wonderful you don't have to face'm or look at them or listen to them as you end it... )

10 mins. later.

BB: OMG MOM A1 IS MAD AT ME NOW THANKS!!!!! OMG... stupid boys...

Me: he'll get over it

BB: I know he'll want me back in a few minutes (I'm givin that deer in the headlights look)

5 mins. later

BB: ok A1 and I are going back out, if A2 finds out...well he 2x's too so it's ok I do (yes teenage logic is so....awesome)

Me: Emily, no one needs to 2 b/f's or 2 husbands... 1 is good... sometimes that's too much

BB: (looks at me grinning) ya, but 2's better Mom!!!!!


So there you have it. I agree sometimes 2 of something is awesome.. like 2 bottles of wine! But, there are somethings a person should only have 1 of... definitely spouse falls in this category in my opinion... or b/f...

cept for BB.. cause 2's better

Ramble #1

I like to ramble... or bitch.. depends on how you see it I guess. (I think I forgot to mention it's Darlene here)

I noticed NO ONE, I really mean JB, has updated the blog recently. Now, we all already know JB has major surgery in just a few days and the ungrateful punks I'm sure have been keeping her busy. Not to mention SHE'S FINALLY MOVING IN W/HER HUSBAND OF ALMOST 6 MONTHS..in July. So needless to say she just got real busy packing because .. she CAN'T do that for weeks after the surgery and well.. she don't have weeks.. woohooo I'm so happy for you Jonna!

There are OR could be a few reasons I haven't updated...

#1. I've nothing to say (never happen)

#2. I've just been to busy (I'm a sahm surely I can find 10 mins for this thing)

#3. I spend a lot of time working on www.egyptiancash.com adding/removing offers for my awesome members (lies lies... you so this approx. every other day...they are awesome members though)

#4. The fpc's (future possible criminals = my kids) & the convict (my son) haven't really given me much to post about (that is bs too... I just need to start carrying a notepad).

#5. I haven't felt like writing (this too is another load of crap cause I have a journal I write in almost daily!)

Those are the only reasons I can possibly come up with. I could blame housework but that'd just be another lie ontop of the top 5.. well hell what's 1 more

#6. Housework keeps me busy (yeah right..this is done about 2-3 days a week TOPS)

It's almost 1pm where I live and I'm sitting at my computer sucking back coffee like I need it to survive (i need it so the OTHERS survive).. in my pj's... trying to explain why I haven't blogged.. better yet I can't wait til Jonna explains why she hasnt! damn woman f.a.t.

So now I must go, get Hitler changed... the King has to take the convict to the police station to report (has to do this within 10 days of release).... I'm pretty sure he won't get out the door without her this time since he already managed to do so 1ce today while we had a slight breakdown (hitler did.. not me.. mine usually occur later in the day).

I do have to do some housework ewwwww today.. maybe I'll command the children to bringth their laundry and I'll get mine and call it a day!

Sounds like a plan....

Darlene.is.OUT

Praying for JB.. and all that I am

2 entries from me in a day you know it HAS to be important.

I'm asking for... actually begging for prayers for our dear JB. She has not only survived a stillborn daughter's arrival.. and found herself single there shortly after. She has survived being a single mom of 4... since before I met her... about 5 years ago. Fast forward.. she re-met a man she knew in highschool and they married this past December. He lives in AZ (as do i..NOT WITH HIM THO I HAVE ONE I DONT WANT/NEED 2). She lives in Illinois. Why you ask? Well he's a teacher and also the bread winner he can't just quit his job and fly off to never neverland with the FAR FROM tinkerbell Jb. JB has some stupid ass clause in her divorce .. she has to have the ex's ok to move outta state. So toss that in bowl and stir 3 times saying "poor jb poor jb what an idiot" ... yes ..3 times.
Recently my sweetheart of a best friend who ALWAYS makes me laff (*note to self.. never attend a serious event such as a funeral with JB). Is actively fighting cervical cancer. She has to have a complete hysterectomy and she's barely in the 30's. She's ok with this trust me. She knows she has her hands full with u.p's and the last thing she needs to is to get pregnant and in worse case scenerio.. another still born due to the complications. So, she's been under state insurance for her and he kids combined their income is way below poverty level .

Her surgery is scheduled for June 1st. Her mom will be arriving shortly thereafter. JB has been knocking herself seneless running errands/tying up loose ends/making arrangements for the kids prior to/during/post surgery. Let's not forget the dead farm on her kitchen counter top (IS IT STILL THERE JB????????????)

My prayers are with you my friend. You know I'm always there for you anytime. Hell we go months not speaking then talk nonstop forever and ever.. we just know each other that well hun, and you bring out the wild Canadian in me.. GO CANADA!!

I love you with all my heart JB and my prayers are with you during your surgery please txt or something as soon as you can and I can update the blog.. we miss you... all 6 of us :) 8 if you include my 2 daughters who've yet to become followers.... must me time to threaten to take something aw...rrr talk to them.

I love you JB, no place I'd rather be right now then helping you out with u.p's.

OK that's SORTA true.. I'd rather be on some exotic island w/depp servin my mai tai's naked offering to stir them for me..... OooO

-Part 2-

My angel pie Hitler and I take hands and gallantly flaunt our way up to the top of the stairs while she's chanting "I'm going to take a b-a-t-h". Yes spelling is wonderful NOT.

After her using the potty and washing her hands and brushing her teeth she hops in the tub. It's not hair washing night so she got some bubbles.

Then I heard her say

"hey bath lady..." I stopped what I was doing..... which was changing into some pj's. So there I am 1/2 naked looking at this child 1/2 my size calling be "bath lady"

What did you just call me? I asked her
"bath lady".. simple as that Mom dontchya get it

So after Hitler had announce she was pruny enough and felt it was time to get out of the tub.. I...the bath lady... had been teaching her to dry herself so passed her the towel and said "start drying while mommy rinses the tub"

Then it came again.

"you're not mommy you're the bath lady".

I do not have a frunking clue why such a childish retarded moronic meaningless sentence is causing me to think like im Sigumd Frued or some shit.

Tub rinsed. Kid dried. Wrap her in a towel and give her the pj's she's refused to take off for 2 days now (sometimes baths ARE pointless)..and told her to go find q.s and get her to dress her.

That was an hour ago and I haven't seen either since. So that means they've escaped or are rockin' on in sarah's room and judging by the crap that I *think* *might* be music coming out of Sarah's room I'm voting for the latter.

So, there I am. Alone for the first time since 1990 it feels like. . what am I doing? Pondering this bath lady thing is what I'm doing. It really pisses me off that a 4 yo can make me stop dead and my tracks and do a sudden out of nowhere unplanned life reflection.

So here it is.

I'm a daughter. No education required for this... tho there should be.

I'm a sister: Pretty simple... only girl I got it all

I'm a friend: I'm someone "someone" relies on. To talk to. To make their day much more brighter then what it is. Someone they can vent and threaten physical harm to the u.p or the f.p.c's.. and not worry cps will be on your doorstep in an hour.

I am a neice. Why is our Aunt's Uncle's think we don't grow up no matter how many children we've had or how many marriages have failed and what # we're on.. they still make those stupid comments.. you know the ones you thought were funny when u were like 5? Let's not even talk about the cheek pinching or the hugs that never end. You stink. Try not to touch me and if you have to .. make it fast.

I am a cousin: Require nothing from me except the same thing their giving me right now, sympathy, in regards to raising teens..... Go Debbie! I'm on YOUR team!

I am an enemy: Sometimes this one's fun dude!

I am...a Mother: I take care of my offspring. Feed them/clothe them..and love them when my mind is telling me otherwise.

This career choice opens the door wider for more UNPAID career options... and no you don't get to choose what you be.. this is what you WILL be if you're not already.

1. Child Counsellor: yes I hear how Alicia broke up with Dylan after 3 weeks OMG MOM!

2. Paediatrician: I share this payless carreer with the king. We examine/diagnose/treat/cure..sounds like I SHOULD BE GETTIN FREAKIN PAID HERE!

3. Teen Doctor: No honey that's not a cold sore it's a pimple. *screeeams*

4. Referree: ok this one really only applies if you have more then 1 child. If you have to referee your 1 child when their alone I strongly advise you seek counselling or a dr... I am avaialble and qualifed as u see from 1 & 2 above.

5. Teacher: I spend quite a bit of time doing puzzle *same damn puzzle* drawing writing out letter and numbers and teaching hitler to pronouce words. Helping the older ones when i can..which isn't often but still.. I DONT GET 2 PAID MONTHS OFF A YEAR.. hell I get NO paid time.

6. Confidente: That is what you become to your teen. It's borderline friend. It's not cool to be "friends" with your mom but if the bond in there you become the Confidente, they trust you, they tell on others, and themselves before they've realized they done it. Kinda partial to this carreer.

7. Artist: Where the hell do these teachers come up w/these bs projects anyways. 500 word essay.. done. Now I find I HAVE to be creative when it was never something that interested me. This is to me a negative in the career line and as often as I can I pass it to the King.

8. I am a Maid: Don't they get paid like good? I made .10 last week in the washer if that counts.

9. Garderner: Yup I take care of the 5 house plants. Only 5 you say? Yes, only 5, I have 3 potential criminal and a convict living here w/2 damn dogs I have 0 time for gardening *real gardening

10. I am a wife. This career I chose. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. Just as I wouldn't give up being a mom, but like every other job in this world there are vacations, days off, breaks, possibly bonus, vacation pay...

none of that comes when you make the choice to be a mother. What's even more ironic is non of this bullshit comes with a manual/or book of any damn kind..YOU.ARE.ON.YOU'RE.OWN.

But, I HEAR nothing is more rewarding then when they grow up to be good good people. Guess I'll get back to ya on that~

-Darlene

Just call me ................WARDEN

Darlene reporting for duty since Jonna seems MIA OMG! Needless to say the past few days have been crazzzzy.

We had to have our lawyer call immigration to arrange the release of the convict. Against my wishes there is no curfew.. nor has he been placed under anyone's care.. he's been released on "his own recognizance". SO.NOT.YAY

So, as soon as he comes in he has to stuff his face.. apparently you are NOT fed well in holding! He claims he got "a roll" and "wet peanut butter".. I smiled inside and said out loud "No place like home huh!" I so could not resist.

You have to understand though the king is VERY old fashioned...deep down in that big ol hard heart of his.. is a spot of compassion that only us he loves dearly can find.. and touch.

He bought the idiot subway on the way home from retrieving him from crowbar hotel. How nice! What IS the record time for eating a foot long? Cause I really think the convict beat it and I'd bet my ass he didn't even taste it.

So now, the convict has been home about 15 mins shoved his pie-hole and filled himself to the base of his neck... wanders on upstairs to his OH.MY.GOD.MOM.WHAT.THE.HELL.DID.YOU.DO.TO.MY.ROOM... room. I cleaned it :). Boy did I clean it good. There is NOWHERE that kid can stash a thing that I won't be able to locate in a matter of minutes. He had boxes on top of his closet that I've gone through and thrown most of out.. candy wrappers/plastic deodorant lids, real popular for putting his smokes out in... anything I found I felt wasn't a necessity..got tossed... gone good-bye.

The RAGE hits.

I head up the stairs to explain myself and am faced with a PISSED.OFF 18 yo who's suddenly out of left field has it made up in his simple mind that his time in jail.. gettin caught.. the whole thing was MY fault. He has no issues screaming this to me at this top of his face.

I had no issues slapping his face either.

HARD!

He stormed off to his friends house. Didn't return until near bedtime. I also wanna note that though it took me a massive 2 1/2 hours to beautify his room... it looked like a cyclone hit it in under 30 seconds.. i swear to the Lord above my this is a GIFT.

Now while the boy was gone in his rage to his buddy's house. Q.S returns promptly from school. I open the door as the beloved teacup chihuahua escapes "THERE HE GOES!" I say in my best "racer" voice. Now, normally Q.S would run out in all her glory not giving a rats ass if her hair is perfect or if her eyeliner and mascara are running or if high hells are really a good thing to run in!. Not today. Nope. She prances upstairs to change and get all horrified. (this is a daily ritual..she goes upstairs looking radiant and coming down like somone attacked her somewhere inbetween).

Hours pass.. no obbie. Tears start flowing all over the place. Signs get made/copied/prayers prayed like never before. Hours pass.. no obbie. We walk and walk and drive and walk and still.. no obbie.

Determined to be the all mighty savior to our achingly missing dog hearts.. I attack craigslist like...well the convict attacked the foot long sub really.. found us a purebred yorkie for 400.00. What a deal!! Call the woman, she didn't want to make "hold" arrangements over the over but didn't really want us to come out at that time of night (9pm.. not late u hold hag). After spending a few moments explaining what had happened.. she agreed to let us come take a look at "Frankie".. now how many ppl are going to drive for 30 mins to look at a dog if they were'nt PRETTY SURE they were gonna get it. Armed with cash we pulled up and the king was in love (not with the old lady). Cash exchanged hands.. so did the dog... and we were no longer dogless!! WOOOT I'm a goddess...

Next afternoon: Ring ring goes the phone. Woman 1 street over has obbie. She seen our signs and called. She returned him right away to us with notification she took it upon herself to take the dog to the vet to make sure he was ok. 40.00 for pain meds for his leg.. he needs surgery on another paw.. and one of his testicles didnt come down so he needs surgery for that (ahmm yeah that's one I NEVER wouldv'e known). Thanks for my dog!!!!!!!!! Though seriously I think you brought him back sicker then when he left he never had all that wrong and now he's puking...wtf did you feed him? Can I have the few extra bucks we gave you...back to clean the carpet?.


So then the decision had to be made.. what do we do with "Frankie". Now I'm not crazy about him..but he IS a good dog. He and obbie are having a time adjusting to each other but luckily there hasn't been any doggie fights to break up yet.

The king expressed his strong desire to keep Frankie and rename him Oscar. Hence.. the king has spoken.
So now, Obbie sleeps in his crate at night. Oscar sleeps on our bed between King's feet (of all places).

Now I have my beloved convict home who when he's made at me says he doesn't feel like calling me mom... I tell him warden works well.

I feel a bottle of wine coming my way....